As a mom, sometimes it’s one of the hardest things to admit. With all of our responsibilities and expectations, both of what others have for us and what we put on ourselves, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. But we often times are the last ones to ask for help or acknowledge that we are struggling.
I have these days from time to time and honestly feel a little guilty. Guilty that maybe I am not loving my children to the fullest or giving them the attention they need. Guilty that I should be getting X, Y & Z done, and why can’t I seem to accomplish simple daily activities. Guilty that I do not always find pleasure in the sometimes tedious tasks of making lunches, folding laundry, helping with homework, volunteering for school functions, special school assignments, menu planning, making dinner. On top of other household responsibilities like grocery shopping, paying bills, scheduling repair men, scheduling Dr visits, care of the pet, decorating the home, gardening etc. Oh and lest we not forget CLEANING! It’s a never ending cycle. Once I finish one task, it seems things just multiply in its place! I’m really struggling with finding the perfect balance. Don't get me wrong, I love my family to death and I know that God has trusted me with these wonderful blessings called children. Sometimes, it's just really hard.
In addition I have two part time jobs, am a member of a MOPS goup (which I love), school PTA, do Bible study and am a member of my local Junior League. All of which I enjoy, for the most part. At this current stage in my life, I have 2 children and another on the way, due in April. At 32 weeks pregnant, I find my patience is sorely lacking. I can blame some of it on the pregnancy and some of it on the fact that maybe I am not managing my time well? Maybe I am expecting too much from myself or have very unrealistic expectations? All of this has been weighing heavily on me lately and the thought of adding another child to the mix fills me with anxiety. I have gotten better at "saying no" and know my limits as far as my volunteerism goes with these other organizations. I do feel I need the time away from home from time to time and I really look forward to the bonding time with other moms that these other outlets provide. But perhaps something has got to give.
What I am coming to realize is, I CAN’T DO IT ALL. And I think, maybe that’s ok. I do know that giving myself some grace and trusting in God to lead the way is the best I can do. It's going to be a constant battle but I hope I can find some peace in my heart and the right balance for me and my family. Definitely a work in progress!
I would love to hear from other parents who are struggling with these feelings and how do you deal with it? How are you keeping it all together??
P.S. I’m participating in a blogging event through Blogelina , an online blogging resource for a wealth of information with all things blogging! Check her out!
I struggle with the same thing. I am a first time mom to twin girls who are now 6 months old. It's hard to grasp the concept that I can't give them all the attention I want to because there is two of them. I feel guilty sometimes that it seems like I'm spending more time with one than the other.
ReplyDeleteI've overcome this a bit though by realizing that this isn't the time that really matters. Sure, all the first time things they do are great to be able to witness, but they won't remember if I get upset or feel bad about the time I do or don't spend with them.
It's okay to understand that I can't be supermom. I balance housework with kids and a husband. I'm only one person and it's okay to realize I don't actually possess the superpowers I thought I had when they were born, hah.
:) Have a great day!
Hi Mandy! Twins, you have your hands full! You are right, they will not remember this time so all you can do is your best. Now that my oldest is 5, I am becoming MUCH more aware of how much she is soaking in and how my attitude affects hers. It's scary, like looking in a mirror! So I need to be more mindful of what really counts :)
DeleteThanks for the comment!
Woo...lady, breathe. I agree with Mandy and Karen..it's importance to find balance, giving yourself permission to check out occasionally. I've learned a couple things about parenting...1) and empty pitcher can't pour, and 2)if mommy's not happy, nobody's going to be happy. I've also benefited greatly from prayer and overflowing Grace...which allows me to forgive myself. We've got a teen and a tween now, and as I watch them grow, I am comforted by what they're becoming. That helps ease the guilt.
ReplyDeletePeace and good to you.
I love that saying about an empty pitcher, so true! Thanks for the advice :) It's good to hear that who your kids are becoming gives you comfort. I pray for that day!
DeleteAs a mom of six, I can understand the feeling of being overwhelmed. I will tell you that baby number 3 was the most difficult for me. I always say if you can have 3 you can have 10!
ReplyDeleteTake a step back from everything if you can. Drop anything extra that can survive without you. Allow yourself the time you need to regroup, it will be a few months.
Use whatever support you have around you.
Not sure how old your little ones are but if they are over five they can help you. Train them now to pitch in and help out.
If it's any consolation I will tell you it gets easier. I had six and I am sane! My sister in law has 14.
Wow 6 kids, that is amazing! Hats off to you :) My girls are 5 and 2, so the oldest can be a help somewhat which I am thankful for. I can't even imagine 14!
DeleteWhile I don't have kids (well, I do, but they have four legs) I can completely relate to feeling overwhelmed with obligations. I work full time, I go to school full time, I am trying to get my blog up and successful, I have family obligations, friends that need assistance, the day to day obligations of keeping a house running and making sure the animals don't eat each other. I felt overwhelmed because I wasn't accomplishing all the tasks I felt that I needed to do, so I started scheduling my time, which made me realize just how overextended I was. I don't adhere to a strict schedule, but having that skeleton of a schedule on paper has been great at mentally preparing me to say no, to decide that I can abandon something, temporarily until other things in life change.
ReplyDeleteScheduling my time would definitely help. I think my problem is I make a to do list a mile long when there is no way it can possibly be done in one day. But then I feel unproductive. I need to be more realistic in what I can really do in one day!
DeletePrioritize and reprioritize. I used to take on a lot of things, as a single person. Once I learned to say no, I enjoyed the fewer things I did more. Confusing? Anyways, ask God and remember it's ok to step away from things.
ReplyDeletePrioritize is the key word for sure :) Sometimes I have a hard time doing that. I can understand what you mean about doing less, b/c I know whenI focus on a smaller # of things, I do get more satisfaction that I did those things well, rather than trying to get 10 different things at once!
DeleteHi! Im 30 weeks pregnant, and i think pregnancy has something to do with my lack of energy. Like you, i feel overwhelmed with too many tasks at hand. Sometimes im just too tired that i want to have an early night and not mind all organizing in the house that i have to do. I have a supportive husband, but there are just things that I think only a woman can do. But energy and inspiration drift from time to time. So youre not alone. Your situation is even challenging with kids around and I admire you for that.My advice is let go a little sometimes. Find an outlet or an activity to help you touch base with yourself. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your pregnancy! So many times once the kids are in bed, all I want to do is crawl into bed and watch something from my dvr and just ignore the other stuff! So I do give myself permission from time to time :) I too have a supportive husband (Thank God!) but yes sometimes there are just things only we can do, at least to our high standards LOL. Thank you for your comment and good luck with your pregnancy!
DeleteI don't have kids, but my life seems crazy so I am in awe of those with kids who manage to do more than me. I'm not sure there is a balance, that pivot point just seems to keep moving.
ReplyDeleteSo true. I guess we get better with practice and just learn to handle what is thrown our way!
DeleteI don't have any kids, but I think all of us face times like these. Those with kids have even more to do, so it's amazing that you can get anything done!
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to imagine until you have them. Then you look back and wonder, wow what did I do with all of my free time before!!?? But you are right it is all relative and everyone has different stressors in their life and we are all valid in our feeling overwhelmed at times! Glad it's not just me!
DeleteMy kids are older, but when they were younger, we made a game of cleaning up each room. It's amazing what little ones will learn to do and help if you make it into a game. Set a time, see how many things each can put away. Get them involved and you won't feel quite so overwhelmed.
ReplyDeleteThank you for that idea :) Sometimes I just get too frustrated and want it done right away. But I'm beginning to realize, if I take the time to teach them the skills to help me now, it will more than pay off later!!!
DeleteI think we all have days when we struggle and hormonal changes in pregnancy can exacerbate those feelings. Believe me, I know, because I've had 13 pregnancies, only 8 of those full term. Taking time out to read, watch a movie with just my husband and I or going for a walk by myself always refreshes me and gives me a new perspective.
ReplyDeleteWow 13 pregnancies and 8 children!!! I'm amaazed and can't imagine!! That makes me feel better, if you can survive it, I can too :)
DeleteIt's hard to be a mommy and know what to keep and what has to go. Prioritize and remember that you can't get this time back with them! Schedule outings just for you but lots of down time and rest, too - you'll need it!
ReplyDeleteThank you! Rest, yes I will definitely need it! I'm trying to get in the right frame of mind, that when this baby comes I don't need to jump right back into my routine, and I can give myself permission to take things slow as we all adjust to a new family dynamic :)
DeleteIf I had it to do all over again... the laundry would wait... the cleaning would get done when it got done, and I would spend more time with my children. Now, I'm a grandmother and it's interesting to me how I have time to work during the day. Make dinner, and still have time to sit on the floor and play. When I was raising my children I thought everything else was so important, and now that my children are grown, and starting their own families I want them back so I can play.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy this time. Trust me. It goes too fast, and at the end of one's life no one ever says, "I wish I would worked more!" No, they say, "I wish I would have played!"
Onward!
Thank you Gina, I needed to hear that! I think sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to get it all done. I'm trying to remember that it is my child's opion and memories of me that matter the most, not if my friends think I have the cleanest house or whatever!!!
DeleteDon't beat yourself up. Being a mom is a full-time job and you have 2 part-time jobs as well. I know we'd all like to think that we're Superwoman but we're only human. Love yourself and your babies and everything will work out for the best.
ReplyDeleteI think I need a staycation!! It's too easy for me to let the outside world distract me and keep me from getting done what's really important.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by!
(((hugs))) I'm pretty sure all of us feel the same way! If you are giving what you have, you are giving enough. All they really need is love (and food and diaper changes and...) but seriously they will remember the laughs and the time you spend with them. They are less likely to remember if the kitchen was sometimes messy or the laundry piled up occasionally. Last week I gave myself permission to stay curled up on the couch with my daughter when she fell asleep in my arms. I missed an appointment and a few other things but she was content and so was I.
ReplyDeleteThanks Junebug! I try and remind myself of this from time to time but sometimes there are days you just can't handle it anymore and want everything clean and in order you know!!
DeleteBut I definitely try and make sure I'm not ignoring my children in order to get things done. If anything I try and find something for them to do to "help" me if possible. SOmetimes it works, sometimes it ends in more frustration!
I struggle with the same things - and I always feel guilty, and like I am a failure when I can't do it all. I have gotten better with it lately, after having a huge melt down one night. I had a long talk with my fiance and told him that I need more support/help from him ... and he has been happy to help now that he knows what I need him to do. I have also allowed myself to let some things go - if the dishes don't get done right away, and the laundry sits for a day ... I am really okay with that. It is not worth the grumpy mom that I become when I feel too overwhelmed and busy. Don't beat yourself up about it - step back and figure out small things that you can do (or not do!) to lift some of the stress you feel. Have cereal for dinner, watch a movie and let everyone stay in pjs for the day. A "lazy day" can do wonders! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Jesse :) I agree a lazy day now and then is wonderful! I need to build in more of these!
DeleteI remember the day that Mom told me, "Your kids will be in high school next week (they were ages 4 and 8) and they'll be in college the week after that. Enjoy them while you can." I thought, "That's easy for you to say. You aren't the one dealing with them now," but she was right. (Moms always are.) You don't have to do it all. One day you'll look back (like I did) and wish you had let the dishes or laundry go to sit down and play with your kids an extra hour.
ReplyDeleteTo stay sane, arrange for someone to watch the kids (maybe a trade deal that involves no cash) and give you some time off. Sounds like you're trying very hard, but keep your eye on the goal. Laundry, dishes, meals, and a clean house are not the goal. Devoting your life to your husband and children is. Don't frustrate yourself because you can't be Wonder Woman. God made you who you are. When the baby arrives, be sure you give your other children the proper attention. They may be a bit jealous. Sounds like you're doing fine. Don't stress. Go with the flow, hon. Deb
Wow. You are doing a lot. You need a mommycation for a day or two. It's ok to ask and accept help when you start to feel overwhelmed.
ReplyDeleteI don't accommodate guilts knowing it will kill me. I know there are days they come to me like the floods but I count the things which I can do better. It helps.
ReplyDeleteYou really hit the nail on the head (excuse the jargon). Moms wear so many hats and I do wonder sometimes how we just stay afloat. I appreciate the article especially being a southern mom.
ReplyDeleteI look back on those years...yes I was busy..I homeschooled for a few years, my kids played sports and I went to every game, I was involved in ministry at church, I volunteered at their schools, but I knew that I had to learn to say no to some things. If I ever said "yes" to something, then something else had to go. It's important for us to keep some kind of margin in our lives so we can have room for the unexpected, so we have time to just enjoy our families with spontaneity. I think over busy-ness is very stressful for families and can rob them of some of the simple joys of being a family. Learn to say NO, you will be glad you did. Sometimes it's okay to say no to everyone else who say they need you, and just say yes to your family.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right in it is very hard in these young years with our kiddos to have a balance! What is balance really?! I have an 8, 5, and 2 year old. Let me go ahead and tell you once you have that third one it doesn't get any easier but I have found after struggling with it for some time that you just have to be ok with things not being perfect. I now give my messy house a big ole hug and just let things go that I wouldn't have a few years ago. I think the kids will only be little for awhile and it is more important to do fun things with them. I guess I am in the acceptance phase of how things are going to be for a few years and I am honestly ok with it. Don't be too hard on yourself. your a good Mom! Thanks for the honesty!
ReplyDeleteI have three little guys 5, 3 and 2 and I have learned that if all I get done in a day is a load of laundry and dinner on the table that is okay. There will be days that you get it all done and most when you don't. I have cut down on a lot of things with three so that I don't feel so worn down. And the most important this I have to remind myself over and over is that things will get done just slower. When I am out and about I tell myself it is okay to take it slow. You only have 24 hours and prioritize to find what you really want done to get done.
ReplyDeleteI must admit, these struggles are why I have little interest in becoming a parent. I see how difficult things can be with just ME, and I cannot imagine taking care of little ones too. I think we must remember to choose to give time to things that truly bless our family and then community.
ReplyDeleteYou are SO not alone! I feel the same way all the time! I know most of the time my anxiety about not getting things done is a lot of my own fault. I am horrible at organization and time management, but at least I am aware of it! I'm getting better, just not where I want to be yet. My husband desperately wants us to have more kids (we have 2 girls now, 1 and 2 1/2) but I just feel so much anxiety in the thought of throwing more kids into our chaos! I feel like I do everything and don't accomplish anything at the same time! The one thing that does help is leaning on God and realizing I can't do it ALL anymore. Learning to say No and learning to ask for help were HUGE steps for me too, but much needed ones! It sounds like you are headed on the right track though, keep you head up, keep going, and trust in God!
ReplyDeleteMake a list of priorities and the top of the list has to be time for YOU! If you aren't taking care of yourself, then you can't care for others adequately. Sometimes we have to take a break from some activities for awhile, in order to devote time when our children are small. Don't worry, it will be there when you are ready to get back to it. Breathe, they won't all be small forever.
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere and have totally forgotten where I got it now but it clicked for me and helped my manage my time. I work from home, homeschool, blog, and have to keep the house in check.
ReplyDeleteI made a task list that has the top two tasks I need to do per area of my life. I have work, household, personal, blog, and roll over tasks from the previous day. That's 10 things that I need to do every day and I check them off as I do them. Roll over tasks take priority because it means I didn't get to them the previous day. Each evening, I replace completed items with new items for the following day.
I think most of us get overwhelmed at some time or another as a mother. I will tell you my husbands advice: drink a glass of wine :). I'm not a wine drinker myself but it's worth a shot
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to admit, but this time won't last long. The best thing is to be honest and take it easy! thanks for sharing! xoxo-Rachel
ReplyDeleteHey there fellow Texan - hang in there! It is so easy to become overwhelmed with those tasks that are never-ending! I think one of the most important things to do is let your husband know how you feel. He may not be aware that things are weighing you down and may be able to pitch in more or offer some solutions. Also - if your kids are old enough, start to enlist them as helpers too . My kids are 3 and 5 and help with keeping their rooms clean, cleaning up after meals and sweeping the floor!
ReplyDeleteI hear you! As a Holistic Health Coach who specializes in helping busy moms, I can tell you that what my clients need the most support in isn't nutrition, it isn't fitness, it's letting go of that GUILT. The guilt we all have for not being able to do it all perfectly - even know we know it's not realistic (or even possible) to be that "perfect" mom. It sounds like you intuitively know this - you just need to remind yourself (often) that you are the perfect mom for YOUR kids.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think every woman feels, or at least at some point has felt, the same exact way at you. I know it's a constant struggle for me too. Guilt is the worst little demon on your shoulder, especially for women.
ReplyDeleteI think we feel like we have to be everything to everyone and we over commit ourselves and feel guilty when we don't live up to those expectations.
I don't think there are any quick answers--just remind yourself whenever you get overwhelmed that you are never going to please everyone and you need to constantly reevaluate your commitments.
I feel like this practically all the time. I see other moms and other families and think they have it MADE OR that they know what they're doing OR what is wrong with me? It's definitely a daily juggling act and a battle in my head every day!
ReplyDeleteOkay, if you're a member of the PTA, then you have school-age children! I'm a mom of six, and I feel your pain sister, but I have a tip that can help.
ReplyDeletePut those school-age kids to work. Start with a task, such as dishes, and work along side your child to teach him or her to do with excellence. It takes time (think months!), but it's worth the effort. When he or she is done, make sure they ask for an inspection. Then have him go back and redo anything that needs to be improved or was missed. After a few months, you will have an expert dish-doer. Then, wash-rinse-repeat with every other household chore.
My oldest is 14 and my youngest is 5 weeks, and I no longer do dishes, take out the trash, clean the bathroom, wash dishes, sweep, mop, vacuum, or clean kids' rooms. I do some cooking, and they do some, and my husband does a lot because he enjoys it. I do laundry because I like that chore, but they all fold and put their own clothes away (except the newborn, of course). They clean out the cars and keep up with the yard and change their bed sheets.
This summer, my husband is going to teach the older ones how to change the car oil.
Not only will this relieve your burden, but it will build a strong work ethic in your kids, and fill them valuable life skills!
I had three babies in a year (twins and a single!), worked full time, and had a husband who worked third shift. Our life was always busy. You can do all things through Christ (Phil.4:13) but I would suggest you examine each area of your life, figure out what doesn't fit any more, and say NO a lot! You will figure it out. Good luck! This time goes so fast. I can't believe my girls are grown now.
ReplyDeleteMotherhood is a constant juggle from the time your children are infants and older. My girls are now 14 and 17 and the demands of sports, art classes, religion, social activities, college search, etc., is a constant balance. Some days my balance is good and other days it crashes all around me.
ReplyDeleteWhat a timely post for me to read. After the usual whirl-wind of getting our household off to church again . . . I was feeling more than slightly overwhelmed~again. Sunday mornings are among the worst, but I love it when I'm finally at church~among friends and fellow believers! I think for me a little more organization would help . . . but other than that, I think I just have to learn to enjoy these crazy years and go with the flow. :) Blessings on you & yours today.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I love the picture you have with this post. Laundry is my BIGGESt/WORST household chore. I love to get the machines going. But the folding and putting away?? Oh now that's a different story.
ReplyDeleteI definitely struggle with these feelings - and I'm 19 weeks prego with my 2nd and also a member of MOPS and have many of the same obligations! :) So I feel your pain!!
ReplyDeleteI try to help myself out by 1) evaluating what is a priority to get done that week. 2) setting a schedule that only involves me doing 1-2 tasks a day (besides meal prep) 3) limiting my errands to 1-2 days, or at night when hubby can watch the kids. and... a big one that I am terrible at... 4) learning to say NO to things!! I always take on too much and then I'm overwhelmed! :) I hope you're able to try some of these ideas - they work for me... most of the time! LOL :) Otherwise I just try to remember that "this too shall pass!"
Ok, I would have thought that I was writing this post, except I only have one daughter. I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. It seems that the tasks never end in my house. My birthday is next month and I have made plans to travel to the Caribbean because I need a break. I love my daughter dearly and I know that God puts no more on us than we can bear, but I have to get away for a few days in order to regroup. Reality is always going to be there.
ReplyDeleteI struggle all the time with trying to get everything done and then have to stop and realize I am not superwoman and things will wait. I work full time and when I am home I try to spend time with my little one. I get things done when she is asleep. Yep I need lots of coffee.
ReplyDeleteI just had my fourth child and during the last trimester, I felt that I had no patience or enthusiasm for anything... I just wanted to focus on the baby and I wanted to have the baby and I had no interest, energy or motivation for anything else. I think that the "guilt" is a common feeling for everyone, but I also do think that the hormones are adding to that challenge right now! Hang in there... I'm now 3 1/2 weeks postpartum and I feel like I"m getting (a little ) of my mojo back :) Good luck with #3!!
ReplyDeleteI have been trying to do it all and it can't be done. Everything suffers when we try to get our hands in everything. I need to re-prioritize and put God and my family first.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure part of your worry is due to your pregnancy. i'm sure everything will be better soon!
ReplyDeleteI have two small children and have recently been relieved finding out some of the moms I thought were doing it all, aren't!
ReplyDeleteThey call babysitters, housekeepers, tutors, take out, and then some.
I don't feel so alone. There aren't enough hours in a moms day.
Yes, I need one of each of those!!!
DeleteLike you, I struggle... A book that has helped me with prioritizing my responsibilities is, "A Woman After God's Own Heart" by, Elizabeth George. The book will kick your butt, so go into it slowly. But you can dive into how she prioritizes all of her daily responsibilities- as a wife, mother, volunteer, and owning a business or in your case, working 2 pt jobs. This book may help you, it has me. I'll be following along to see how things turn out. God bless!
ReplyDeleteThank you Ashley, I will have to check that book out. I know I've heard of it before but not read it. Thanks for the suggestion!
DeleteGreat Post, Women I think in general have this problem. We want to do it all and when we cannot we think something is wrong. We need to take time for ourselves and Learn that We CANNOT do it all so you are right. I need to learn this for myself as well!!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, so there with you! I think it's a constant struggle to think we should do more and know that we shouldn't! I have seriously cut back on my schedule, but it's still hectic.
ReplyDeleteI was watching Little House on the Prairie tonight. Charles was talking about leaving a legacy for his family and Carolyn said, "Charles, our children are our legacy". I think maybe we should just realize that our kids don't need to be run to every sports event, community service opportunity, etc... They just really need us to be parents and to have the time to do that. Me personally, I just ask the Lord for wisdom and strength each day.
That is so true, I need to keep that thought in mind, that they are our legacy and really the most important thing!!
DeleteWithout even having kids I sometimes feel life is overwhelming so I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel! Hang in there and take a small vacation before you new little one is born if you can. :)
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you have a lot on your plate! I know the feeling of being overwhelmed--I have a 3, 2, and 1 year old and am 32 weeks pregnant as well (and yes, I think we can blame a little bit of being short on patience on that!). One thing that has helped me is to actually schedule a little play time with my children. We started having dinner earlier so that after it's cleaned up my husband and I can just play with them for about 30 minutes before we do a toy-clean up and bed time routine. It's helped us be a little more relaxed at the end of the day when it gets tough. That's great that you are also saying "no" to more things. . .we just can't do it all!
ReplyDeleteI love your idea of scheduling my play time with the children :) I will definitely try that. It's easy to get so caught up in the daily tasks and let them play together or entertain themselves but I know what they really want is time with mommy!!
DeleteCongratulations, sweetie, you are human. Every mom struggles with this whether they have one child or 12. Don't be so hard on yourself. What matters is that you are taking care of the kids and that you do care about your family and you are there for them. Try to relax and enjoy your children now because when they are older, you won't be regretting that the house wasn't cleaner. It's the time with them you'll want back.
ReplyDeleteTaking it one day at the time and not spreading myself too thin. Perhaps you can see where you can scale back on? And don't let it make you feel guilty. but at the end of the day, only you now where is your tipping point. So find that balance in your life.
ReplyDeleteI have the same issues and the sad thing is I do not have kids. LOL
ReplyDeleteWhat you are experiencing is common and totally normal. You have to learn to cut back and just say "NO" so you can be less stressed. It is hard to say the first time, then it gets easier ;)
ReplyDeleteI have three kids (7, 5, 3) and I definitely don't have it all together! I've noticed that when I'm really feeling that I don't have it together, I get short w/my hubby. Not really helpful, huh? My kids always come to me when they need things, so I've been trying to send them to DH sometimes (he can pour cereal while I make his breakfast).
ReplyDeleteMona, I know I get short with my hubby too and then feel terrible. But I explain to him my pregnancy hormones are crazy right now & are in control and not me!!! My hubby is extremely helpful though thank goodness. I wouldn't be able to make it otherwise!
DeleteI'm not a mom yet, but I can see how what I'm busy with now, on top of parenting would be really draining. Sorry, don't have much advice or feedback to give. I'm looking forward to parenting, even though I know it will be a lot of work.
ReplyDeleteI'm the mom of four, most of them grown. I remember feeling what you expressed so well, and I still feel that way sometimes. The best thing I learned to do was say "No." Many activities and interests we have are great, but in order to keep our sanity we just have to give things up for a while. Also ask your husband to help you figure out a livable schedule, ask for his help at home and with the kids, see if friends or family can lend a hand for a while. Just do what you can and ignore the feelings of guilt. You are doing your best, I'm sure, and that is good enough.
ReplyDeleteThank you Elizabeth!!
DeleteI don't have kids, but I agree with what others have said here previously. It all comes down to time management and figuring out what priorities are most important.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes just take a breather and see how everything can fit my schedule. There are days or times that are dedicated solely for church activities so that's easy. But what's more difficult is managing my time for blogging, chores, etc since I have a baby.
ReplyDeleteI think we place too high expectations on ourselves. It's ok not to have it all together!
ReplyDeleteI feel ya! I struggle at times to keep it all together and anxiety overcomes me. But prayer and refocus on what God is calling me to do, always seems to help me. Take a deep breathe and know that you are an amazing woman and mommy!
ReplyDeleteYou definitely are not alone in feeling this way. Being a mommy is a lot of work, and it sounds like you have a very very full plate. And in regards to cleaning - I've come to the conclusion that one, I will not be getting a shedding dog every again, and that my house won't be clean as long as it is lived in :) Thanks for such a real and open post!
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you...been there, done that. :)
ReplyDeletePerhaps you will find that you need to step back from the volunteer activities that are not as much fun anymore...or that drain your energy too much. Also, is there a support group or a couple of good friends who could step up and give you a hand...perhaps there is a friend who LOVES house cleaning...can you barter something you LOVE to do. Same with cooking. There are always solutions if you can be creative about it. :) And, in the end, the most important things are your health (get enough rest, eat right) and your family...the rest are just extras...who needs a house that is spotless anyway. :)
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I think you are further along than you give yourself credit for. You have already learned to say no and accepted that you can't do it all. We just have to realize that no one else's expectations for us are never as high as we thing they are/never as high as the once we have for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteOh - I get everything done, all the time, and my house is perfect! :) {yeah right!}
ReplyDeleteAs a mom of 5 - I totally understand! You are not alone!
One of my favorite words is one that any 2 year old can teach you to say . . . . "No!" :)
It truly is ok to say no. It truly is ok to have a messy house for awhile while you go out and play with the kids. It truly is ok to take time off for just YOU! I've written several posts about this on my Mothering Matters blog.
One of my favorite poems is one my mother-in-love sent me years ago when my kids were all little. I won't post the whole thing here - but you can read it here - http://mothering-matters.com/dust-if-you-must/. It's called "Dust if you Must".
One of my other favorite ways to get some bigger projects done was, when my kids were little, I had a "project co-op" with a few friends. We would take turns helping each other out with some project (cleaning, painting, gardening, etc) and would take turn watching the kids. We would all go over to the person's house for several hours - and rotate kid duty while the other 2 or 3 moms worked on the project. It worked great!
Thanks for your post and for your honesty! Moms need to know they are not alone! That's one reason I've always loved MOPS! I'm back as a mentor mom now (can't believe I'm getting "old"!). Just can't stay away!
Blessings!
I am a homeschooling mama of four and currently a temporary "single" mama as my husband and I live 1100 miles apart due to a job change for my husband. You are definitely not alone. I constantly feel inadequate or like I am doing "enough". I encourage you to 1) learn the incredibly freeing power that comes with saying "no"-sometimes we have to let go of the good to take hold of God's best. Really evaluate if you need to participate in all of those activities. If you feel the need for an outlet, choose ONE, and 2) accept any and all offers of help. And don't be afraid to ask for help too-from friends, family, your hubby etc... and 3) cut yourself some slack-you can only do what you can do.
ReplyDeleteI am not a mom, but I understand being overwhelmed. Remembering I can only do what I can do. As long as you give your 100%, move the left over to tomorrows list.
ReplyDeleteStephanie
http://www.royalmajestea.com/blog
I know exactly how you feel... It's hard - really really hard. Sometimes I need to just shut the laptop, lay down, put on a good movie - and shut the {damn} phone off. We can't do it all - but we normally DO. Taking a break and leaving the rest for tomorrow never seems to hurt though!
ReplyDelete- Nicole @ MamaNYC
www.MamaNYC.net
My family of 7 recently moved across country to a town where we know, noone and belong to nothing! Granted after two weeks I found this very lonely, on the other side, I found that it was freeing! I didn't have to go to this or that meeting, group, study, kids practice, etc. It is giving me a chance to really choose what is important for all of us! We have always tried to stick with whole family activities, so that we don't have everyone going in different directions. For example, while my husband worked, I went to MOPS (for me time!) and my younger kids got to go to MOPPETS and the older kids volunteered as workers. Another activity may be reversed, for the older kids and youngers get to go too. You need a break - really look at every activity closely and pray about it - is it necessary and does it work for our whole family?
ReplyDeleteSlow down please. You don't have to do it all. And you're going to have a baby soon? You need to take it easy before the new baby comes.
ReplyDelete